My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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