Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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