Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize