if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
