May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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