We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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