"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize