He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
bring money and cleavage
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
