OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
