RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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