five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I touched a dick in church today
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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