His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
