So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
