THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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