They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Enjoy the penises
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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