Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
