I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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