i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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