I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
