dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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