apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she looked like the before picture.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize