My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
