Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
