420 ftw
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
