My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
