Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
