Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
