Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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