We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
