I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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