why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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