What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
