At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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