I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
