I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
