i think my mom watched the whole time
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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