You work out of a Hotel?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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