PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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