I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
