i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
