Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
