Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
