im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
