I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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