how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
