hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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