I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
