Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
