FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
