so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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