Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
