Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize