Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
