I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
