I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
