Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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