Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
