the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
