True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
