i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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