When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
