Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
