he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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