it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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