david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
