There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
