he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
