It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
