Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's official drugs can't kill me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize