UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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