...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
