my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
